Funny Quotes

 

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.|Groucho Marx

I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.|Will Rogers

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.|Margaret Mead

Get your facts first   then you can distort them as you please.|Mark Twain

A day without sunshine is like       you know      night.|Steve Martin

I like long walks       especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.|Fred Allen

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.|George Carlin

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.|Mitch Hedberg

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.|Jules Renard

I have never been hurt by what I have not said.|Calvin Coolidge

Progress was all right. Only it went on too long.|James Thurber

What’s another word for Thesaurus?|Steven Wright

If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble          you wouldn’t sit for a month.|Theodore Roosevelt

Everybody talks about the weather            but nobody does anything about it.|Charles Dudley Warner

We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don’t know.|W. H. Auden

All right everyone    line up alphabetically according to your height.|Casey Stengel

If it weren’t for Philo T. Farnsworth          inventor of television         we’d still be eating frozen radio dinners.|Johnny Carson

I can resist everything except temptation.|Oscar Wilde

Between two evils    I always pick the one I never tried before.|Mae West

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.|Bertrand Russell

I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes        I had one thousand and sixty.|Imelda Marcos

If you don’t mind      it doesn’t matter.|Jack Benny

We are all born mad. Some remain so.|Samuel Beckett

Cure for an obsession: get another one.|Mason Cooley

I no doubt deserved my enemies    but I don’t believe I deserved my friends.|Walt Whitman

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.|Hedy Lamarr

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.|Mel Brooks

Progress is man’s ability to complicate simplicity.|Thor Heyerdahl

I always wanted to be somebody   but now I realize I should have been more specific.|Lily Tomlin

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.|Henry Kissinger

It’s simple      if it jiggles    it’s fat.|Arnold Schwarzenegger

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now     and we don’t know where the hell she is.|Ellen DeGeneres

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.|David Lee Roth

Everything I like is either illegal    immoral or fattening.|Alexander Woollcott

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.|P. J. O’Rourke

Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.|Erma Bombeck

I never said most of the things I said.|Yogi Berra

Why don’t you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.|P. G. Wodehouse

O Lord           help me to be pure   but not yet.|Saint Augustine

Roses are red violets are blue        I’m schizophrenic    and so am I.|Oscar Levant

I cook with wine       sometimes I even add it to the food.|W. C. Fields

Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.|H. L. Mencken

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.|Walt Disney

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.|Rodney Dangerfield

If you haven’t got anything nice to say about anybody  come sit next to me.|Alice Roosevelt Longworth

I have an unfortunate personality.|Orson Welles

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.|Spike Milligan

If you want a guarantee       buy a toaster.|Clint Eastwood

Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.|Robert A. Heinlein

The trouble with having an open mind      of course       is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.|Terry Pratchett

The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around.|Thomas A. Edison

You can lead a man to Congress    but you can’t make him think.|Milton Berle

Before I refuse to take your questions      I have an opening statement.|Ronald Reagan

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.|Billy Connolly

By all means let’s be open-minded but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.|Richard Dawkins

I’d like to kiss ya       but I just washed my hair.|Bette Davis

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.|Warren Buffett

Conversation would be vastly improved by the constant use of four simple words: I do not know.|Andre Maurois

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.|Woody Allen

One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody’s listening.|Franklin P. Jones

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.|Unknown

I consider that a man’s brain originally is like a little empty attic         and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose.|Arthur Conan Doyle

Do not let a flattering woman coax and wheedle you and deceive you; she is after your barn.|Hesiod

Never put a sock in a toaster.|Eddie Izzard

Reality continues to ruin my life.|Bill Watterson

I distrust camels       and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.|Joe E. Lewis

Flattery is like cologne water          to be smelt    not swallowed.|Josh Billings

Progress might have been alright once      but it has gone on too long.|Ogden Nash

If I want to knock a story off the front page         I just change my hairstyle.|Hillary Clinton

I have a memory like an elephant. I remember every elephant I’ve ever met.|Herb Caen

I love fools’ experiments. I am always making them.|Charles Darwin

You can do anything with bayonets except sit on them.|Thomas Hardy

If at first you don’t succeed find out if the loser gets anything.|William Lyon Phelps

He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to hear him crow.|George Eliot

Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we’ll find it.|Sam Levenson

A word to the wise is infuriating.|Hunter S. Thompson

The four building blocks of the universe are fire water gravel and vinyl.|Dave Barry

Instant gratification takes too long.|Carrie Fisher

Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.|Wilson Mizner

Food   love   career and mothers the four major guilt groups.|Cathy Guisewite

Drawing on my fine command of the English language I said nothing.|Robert Benchley

I love mankind; it’s people I can’t stand.|Charles M. Schulz

Include me out.|Samuel Goldwyn

I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that’s 40    000 pieces. And when you finish it           it says ‘go outside.’|Demetri Martin

Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.|Joey Adams

Too much agreement kills a chat.|Eldridge Cleaver

To be or not to be. That’s not really a question.|Jean-Luc Godard

I’m an optimist          but an optimist who carries a raincoat.|Harold Wilson

I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often – but I’m well preserved.|Rose Kennedy

There is nothing in the world that I loathe more than group activity    that communal bath where the hairy and slippery mix in a multiplication of mediocrity.|Vladimir Nabokov

The first day one is a guest the second a burden and the third a pest.|Jean de la Bruyere

He looked about as inconspicuous as a tarantula on a slice of angel food.|Raymond Chandler

When we ask for advice      we are usually looking for an accomplice.|Saul Bellow

My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.|Mike Myers

Expert: a man who makes three correct guesses consecutively.|Laurence J. Peter

The superfluous       a very necessary thing.|Voltaire

What I am looking for is a blessing not in disguise.|Jerome K. Jerome

Christopher Columbus        as everyone knows  is honored by posterity because he was the last to discover America.|James Joyce

Have enough sense to know           ahead of time           when your skills will not extend to wallpapering.|Marilyn vos Savant

I was eating in a Chinese restaurant downtown. There was a dish called Mother and Child Reunion. It’s chicken and eggs. And I said          I gotta use that one.|Paul Simon

Fashions have done more harm than revolutions.|Victor Hugo

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks     they are always locking three.|Elayne Boosler

As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.|Buddy Hackett

One of the disadvantages of wine is that it makes a man mistake words for thoughts.|Samuel Johnson

TV is chewing gum for the eyes.|Frank Lloyd Wright

There’s one thing about baldness   it’s neat.|Don Herold

I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry.|Norman Wisdom

A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.|Oliver Herford

I’m for whatever gets you through the night.|Frank Sinatra

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.|Jimmy Durante

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?|W. Clement Stone

I own and operate a ferocious ego.|Bill Moyers

What after all is a halo? It’s only one more thing to keep clean.|Christopher Fry

So        where’s the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?|Christina Aguilera

How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.|Emo Philips

After all is said and done    sit down.|Bill Copeland

I believe in rules. Sure I do. If there weren’t any rules   how could you break them?|Leo Durocher

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was       it was my own.|Les Dawson

The day I made that statement       about the inventing the internet    I was tired because I’d been up all night inventing the Camcorder.|Al Gore

Every man’s dream is to be able to sink into the arms of a woman without also falling into her hands.|Jerry Lewis

I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.|Richard Lewis

I cannot sing  dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host.|David Letterman

I saw a stationery store move.|Jay London

Every man has a sane spot somewhere.|Robert Louis Stevenson

I don’t deserve any credit for turning the other cheek as my tongue is always in it.|Flannery O’Connor

I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.|Tommy Cooper

Thinking is one thing no one has ever been able to tax.|Charles Kettering

It is to be observed that ‘angling’ is the name given to fishing by people who can’t fish.|Stephen Leacock

I would talk in iambic pentameter if it were easier.|Howard Nemerov

One man’s folly is another man’s wife.|Helen Rowland

My mother was against me being an actress – until I introduced her to Frank Sinatra.|Angie Dickinson

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.|Steven Wright

Boy     those French: they have a different word for everything!|Steve Martin

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?|Robin Williams

My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?|Margaret Smith

Don’t forget Mother’s Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills   Dad’s Third Wife Day.|Jay Leno

If you have a secret  people will sit a little bit closer.|Rob Corddry

You can always tell when a man’s well informed. His views are pretty much like your own.|H. Jackson Brown Jr.

As for our majority… one is enough.|Benjamin Disraeli

All my life     I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.|Jane Wagner

All my children inherited perfect pitch.|Chevy Chase

I sang in the choir for years even though my family belonged to another church.|Paul Lynde

When I was born I owed twelve dollars.|George S. Kaufman

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.|George Carlin

Who included me among the ranks of the human race?|Joseph Brodsky

An optimist is a fellow who believes a housefly is looking for a way to get out.|George Jean Nathan

There’s nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you’re insightful about it.|Dennis Miller

A vegetarian is a person who won’t eat anything that can have children.|David Brenner

I wear a necklace     cause I wanna know when I’m upside down.|Mitch Hedberg

Until you walk a mile in another man’s moccasins you can’t imagine the smell.|Robert Byrne

Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf.|Lewis Mumford

If at first you don’t succeed blame your parents.|Marcelene Cox

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.|Rita Rudner

A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.|Milton Berle

The one thing you shouldn’t do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere.|Jimmy Fallon

Go to Heaven for the climate         Hell for the company.|Mark Twain

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender  but you don’t have a top for it.|Jerry Seinfeld

If love is the answer could you please rephrase the question?|Lily Tomlin

If this is coffee          please bring me some tea; but if this is tea          please bring me some coffee.|Abraham Lincoln

To label me an intellectual is a misunderstanding of what that is.|Dick Cavett

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.|Rodney Dangerfield

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.|Groucho Marx

A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.|Yogi Berra

She was a handsome woman of forty-five and would remain so for many years.|J. B. Priestley

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.|Phyllis Diller

An idea isn’t responsible for the people who believe in it.|Don Marquis

A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers.|Kevin Nealon

Let’s have some new cliches.|Samuel Goldwyn

Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the head with a valentine.|Christopher Plummer

I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent.|Edith Sitwell

I bought some batteries       but they weren’t included.|Steven Wright

If two wrongs don’t make a right   try three.|Laurence J. Peter

I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.|Steve Martin

There’s no such thing as soy milk. It’s soy juice.|Lewis Black

I think serial monogamy says it all.|Tracey Ullman

I don’t believe in the after life         although I am bringing a change of underwear.|Woody Allen

The next time you have a thought… let it go.|Ron White

I’m sorry        if you were right      I’d agree with you.|Robin Williams

Someone told me that when they go to Vermont they feel like they’re home. I’m that way at Saks.|Caroline Rhea

I used to be Snow White     but I drifted.|Mae West

I hate housework! You make the beds      you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.|Joan Rivers

I am certain there is too much certainty in the world.|Michael Crichton

My father would take me to the playground        and put me on mood swings.|Jay London

I like children – fried.|W. C. Fields

If at first you don’t succeed… so much for skydiving.|Henny Youngman

Me carrying a briefcase is like a hotdog wearing earrings.|Sparky Anderson

Well    if I called the wrong number         why did you answer the phone?|James Thurber

The last time I saw him he was walking down lover’s lane holding his own hand.|Fred Allen

One man is as good as another until he has written a book.|Benjamin Jowett

I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.|Billy Connolly

Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.|Samuel Butler

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die  your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.|George Carlin

If you’re naturally kind        you attract a lot of people you don’t like.|William Feather

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.|Spike Milligan

Never fight an inanimate object.|P. J. O’Rourke

People say that life is the thing       but I prefer reading.|Logan Pearsall Smith

Communism is like one big phone company.|Lenny Bruce

I grew up in Europe where the history comes from.|Eddie Izzard

Never floss with a stranger.|Joan Rivers

I was the kid next door’s imaginary friend.|Emo Philips

People always ask me          ‘Were you funny as a child?’ Well no       I was an accountant.|Ellen DeGeneres

As far as I’m concerned      ‘whom’ is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler.|Calvin Trillin

I think the eyes flirt most. There are so many ways to use them.|Anna Held

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things      and I have succeeded fairly well.|Robert Benchley

The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.|Mark Twain

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.|Bob Hope

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.|Albert Einstein

They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.|Clint Eastwood

Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.|Abraham Lincoln

I don’t deserve this award    but I have arthritis and I don’t deserve that either.|Jack Benny

I have a very low level of recognition       which is fine by me.|Dylan Moran

If it’s the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?|Robin Williams

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.|Rodney Dangerfield

Be obscure clearly.|E. B. White

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.|George Burns

I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.|Douglas Adams

Say what you will about the ten commandments you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.|H. L. Mencken

What do I know of man’s destiny? I could tell you more about radishes.|Samuel Beckett

Even Napoleon had his Watergate.|Yogi Berra

Macho does not prove mucho.|Zsa Zsa Gabor

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. I said    Thyroid problem?|Arnold Schwarzenegger

A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.|Don Marquis

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.|Johnny Carson

He looks as though he’s been weaned on a pickle.|Alice Roosevelt Longworth

One picture is worth 1         000 denials.|Ronald Reagan

I have a new philosophy. I’m only going to dread one day at a time.|Charles M. Schulz

If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind what is the significance of a clean desk?|Laurence J. Peter

Why does everyone think the future is space helmets    silver foil      and talking like computers like a bad episode of Star Trek?|Tracey Ullman

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.|Woody Allen

Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.|Bill Maher

Don’t talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave.|Wilson Mizner

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.|Joan Rivers

Every dogma has its day.|Anthony Burgess

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.|Jay London

I never liked you      and I always will.|Samuel Goldwyn

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.|Phyllis Diller

Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don’t know one child with a full time job and children.|Bill Hicks

California is a fine place to live – if you happen to be an orange.|Fred Allen

The tax collector must love poor people   he’s creating so many of them.|Bill Vaughan

All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.|Lewis Black

Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative.|Henry Kissinger

I’m undaunted in my quest to amuse myself by constantly changing my hair.|Hillary Clinton

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.|Fran Lebowitz

Electricity is really just organized lightning.|George Carlin

When we talk to God           we’re praying. When God talks to us        we’re schizophrenic.|Jane Wagner

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.|Rita Rudner

I rant   therefore I am.|Dennis Miller

You see much more of your children once they leave home.|Lucille Ball

I wish I had the nerve not to tip.|Paul Lynde

If you can’t tell a spoon from a ladle         then you’re fat!|Demetri Martin

Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish.|Chevy Chase

We owe a lot to Thomas Edison – if it wasn’t for him     we’d be watching television by candlelight.|Milton Berle

I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.|Will Rogers

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person’s plate.|Dave Barry

The IRS! They’re like the Mafia    they can take anything they want!|Jerry Seinfeld

I may be a living legend      but that sure don’t help when I’ve got to change a flat tire.|Roy Orbison

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton         you may as well make it dance.|George Bernard Shaw

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.|P. G. Wodehouse

Defy your own group. Rebel against yourself.|Cathy Guisewite

The way taxes are     you might as well marry for love.|Joe E. Lewis

Why do you have to be a nonconformist like everybody else?|James Thurber

If I had to live my life over I’d live over a saloon.|W. C. Fields

I’ve never been married       but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me.|Elayne Boosler

I can speak Esperanto like a native.|Spike Milligan

When you’re in love it’s the most glorious two and a half days of your life.|Richard Lewis

The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.|Jay Leno

Forty for you sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.|Joan Rivers

I don’t have a bank account because I don’t know my mother’s maiden name.|Paula Poundstone

All generalizations are false           including this one.|Mark Twain

Why don’t you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?|Robert Benchley

If I were two-faced  would I be wearing this one?|Abraham Lincoln

We need two kinds of acquaintances        one to complain to   while to the others we boast.|Logan Pearsall Smith

The way my luck is running           if I was a politician I would be honest.|Rodney Dangerfield

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening but this wasn’t it.|Groucho Marx

Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.|Lenny Bruce

It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.|H. L. Mencken

I don’t think anyone should write their autobiography until after they’re dead.|Samuel Goldwyn

When I go to a bar    I don’t go looking for a girl who knows the capital of Maine.|David Brenner

I spent a year in that town   one Sunday.|George Burns

Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint.|Don Marquis

Who picks your clothes – Stevie Wonder?|Don Rickles

I have a wonderful make-up crew. They’re the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.|Bob Hope

In comic strips          the person on the left always speaks first.|George Carlin

The reward of energy          enterprise and thrift is taxes.|William Feather

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.|Mitch Hedberg

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.|Phyllis Diller

Experience is what you have after you’ve forgotten her name.|Milton Berle

I’m a misplaced American  but don’t know where I was misplaced.|Ruby Wax

Every man has his follies – and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.|Josh Billings

I read part of it all the way through.|Samuel Goldwyn

It is easy for me to love myself      but for ladies to do it is another question altogether.|Johnny Vegas

Whoever is my relative       I will not be nice to them.|George Lopez

I’d never been in play long enough for the flowers to die in the dressing room.|Mercedes McCambridge

I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut.|Ellen DeGeneres

Never take a solemn oath. People think you mean it.|Norman Douglas

As I get older I just prefer to knit.|Tracey Ullman

I’m kidding about having only a few dollars. I might have a few dollars more.|James Brown

Life is funny. If you don’t laugh     you’re in trouble.|Taylor Hawkins

People ask ‘do you make a conscious effort not to swear?’ – if you’re doing silly stuff you’re not tempted to put swearing in. All the comics from my childhood  who were funny without swearing            were the people that influenced me. What I do is quite traditional anyway.|Tim Vine

Design is a funny word. Some people think design means how it looks. But of course        if you dig deeper it’s really how it works.|Steve Jobs

Comedy is surprises so if you’re intending to make somebody laugh and they don’t laugh  that’s funny.|Norm MacDonald

Censorship no longer works by hiding information from you; censorship works by flooding you with immense amounts of misinformation        of irrelevant information   of funny cat videos until you’re just unable to focus.|Yuval Noah Harari

Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting.|William Arthur Ward

I used to stutter really badly. Everybody thinks it’s funny. And it’s not funny. It’s not.|Joe Biden

If you’re funny          if there’s something that makes you laugh           then every day’s going to be okay.|Tom Hanks

I was just a goofy little funny kid  who was always getting sent to the principal. It wasn’t serious because I was smart. I wasn’t like a true troublemaker   just rambunctious – like      talkative and trying to be funny. That was me in middle-school.|J. Cole

It’s hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse.|Adlai Stevenson I

Eyebrows are really important because they structure the face. In school it was funny because I was always the one walking around with tweezers plucking my girlfriends’ eyebrows. I was really good; eyebrow tweezing runs in my family – my mother used to do mine     and I picked it up.|Rita Ora

We adore babies because they’re so cute. And     of course       we are amused by jokes because they are funny. This is all backwards. It is. And Darwin shows us why.|Daniel Dennett

Democrats are dumb and Republicans are stupid but the difference between dumb and stupid is dumb isn’t funny. Dumb is when you say something and the whole room goes        ‘What did he say?’|Lewis Black

Whatever is funny is subversive    every joke is ultimately a custard pie… a dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion.|George Orwell

A joke is just a paintbrush. It takes someone funny to paint something beautiful.|Andrew Schulz

There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects        rather an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world.|Jean Baudrillard

A man’s got to take a lot of punishment to write a really funny book.|Ernest Hemingway

I’ve never met a funny person who wasn’t smart. I’ve met a lot of dramatic people who were stupid. But I’ve never met a funny person who wasn’t smart.|Rob Lowe

It’s funny what a few no-hitters do for a body.|Satchel Paige

We are supposed to enjoy the good stuff now      while we can with the people we love. Life has a funny way of teaching us that lesson over and over again.|Sheena Easton

I’m going to take this God-given gift of being funny      and I’m going to spread it out like peanut butter on everything I do.|Steve Harvey

Sometimes I’m really funny            sometimes I’m quiet            sometimes I’m shy   but I’m constantly changing.|Elle King

When you see things upside down the ego can be extraordinarily funny; it’s absurd. But it’s tragic at the same time.|Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu

I guess when you turn off the main road   you have to be prepared to see some funny houses.|Stephen King

I have Slavic fat pads that make me look like a chipmunk and arched predatory eyebrows. With that            you’re not going to get funny. That’s why I play so many bad guys.|Liev Schreiber

There’s only one true superpower amongst human beings         and that is being funny. People treat you differently if you can make them laugh.|Jeff Garlin

The two things in the world we all share in this world are laughter and pain. We’ve all got problems. The levels of those problems vary but we’ve all got problems. When you can take things that are painful and make them funny         that’s a gift – to you and your audience.|Kevin Hart

It’s funny how life works. You end up sometimes back where you started.|Karl Iagnemma

People know me as just this handsome guy – a very handsome guy. But I can also be funny and fun.|Choi Si-won

I was asked to act when I couldn’t act. I was asked to sing ‘Funny Face’ when I couldn’t sing         and dance with Fred Astaire when I couldn’t dance – and do all kinds of things I wasn’t prepared for. Then I tried like mad to cope with it.|Audrey Hepburn

I love readings and my readers      but the din of voices of the audience gives me stage fright       and the din of voices inside whisper that I am a fraud           and that the jig is up. Surely someone will rise up from the audience and say out loud that not only am I not funny and helpful       but I’m annoying            and a phony.|Anne Lamott

I’m a funny person   but I take my music seriously.|Cardi B

It’s funny how things change slowly         until the day we realize they’ve changed completely.|Nancy Gibbs

I know my strong points: I work hard       I have talent I’m funny      and I’m a good person.|Pink

I’m blonde and tanned and normal-sized! I’m sweet       shy     funny have a big heart and I’m nice – and I like to eat.|Paris Hilton

The human brain is a funny thing: it’s very susceptible to tempo and melody. You put the right words to it     and it becomes very influential.|Ray Stevens

I love funny Instagram filters. Where your face changes; your eyes become big       your mouth becomes protruded. I love all of that.|Rohit Saraf

In my circle of friends         I’ve always been loud and funny and talkative. But as soon as I step out of that circle       I get very quiet and introspective. I don’t want the spotlight on me.|Rosie Perez

I love nerds. Comic-Con junkies are the tastemakers of tomorrow. Isn’t that funny? The tables have turned.|Kristen Bell

I can’t be funny if my feet don’t feel right.|Billy Crystal

Seeing the funny side of life is useful       and I’ve always had a sense of humour.|Henry Allingham

When you reminisce you don’t say            ‘Remember that time you got sued by so-and-so?’ No   you say      ‘Remember when we played here and it was unbelievable       and we went out for that incredible meal and that funny thing happened?’ Those are the important moments.|John Petrucci

Maori get pigeonholed into the idea they’re spiritual and telling stories like ‘Whale Rider’ and ‘Once Were Warriors          ‘ quite serious stuff   but we’re pretty funny people        and we never really have had an opportunity to show that side of ourselves          the clumsy    nerdy side of ourselves      which is something I am.|Taika Waititi

Children are the most honest critics. They will say ‘You’re funny’       but also ‘You’re pathetic – go away.’|Dylan Moran

It’s been very funny to try to act like an adult. Even getting dressed. Every day        I’m like          ‘Should I wear a blazer and walk around with an umbrella? Do I carry a briefcase?’ Because I’m trying to be some image of the adults I saw on TV growing up.|John Mulaney

I was fired from an NBC sitcom called ‘Friends With Benefits.’ I was wrong for the part from the beginning       didn’t even want to audition          and kept thinking    ‘This isn’t funny at all.’|Patrick J. Adams

You’re unlikely to discover something new without a lot of practice on old stuff      but further    you should get a heck of a lot of fun out of working out funny relations and interesting things.|Richard P. Feynman

If you could cross a lion and a monkey    that’s what I’d be      because monkeys are funny and lions are strong.|Marlon Wayans

Since childhood       I’ve been a clown. I’ve always liked being very funny or trying to make people laugh. It’s my original self.|Bad Bunny

Books are funny little portable pieces of thought.|Susan Sontag

When I started out    everyone seemed to be adopting these names… Johnny Rotten           Sid Vicious. I wasn’t really Rotten or Vicious or Nasty        so I wanted something a bit more funny – yet something that seemed real rock ‘n’ roll… something that acknowledged my ambition.|Billy Idol

I like to be funny. I can’t stay all the time focused          disciplined   controlled. Behaviour like that is impossible. If the players are too nervous before a game           I have to relax them calm them.|Carlo Ancelotti

I owe my whole acting career to the fact that I’m a singer. I went out to Los Angeles and auditioned for a TV show called ‘Fame L.A.’ The original role was for a comedian   but they said I wasn’t very funny            so they asked me     ‘What else can you do?’ So I played a singer.|Christian Kane

I always have a funny story at communion time that underscores that no one is perfect      and that communion is not for perfect people but for hungry people.|Greg Boyle

When it comes down to it   glam rock was all very amusing. At the time      it was funny then a few years later it became sort of serious-looking and a bit foreboding.|David Bowie

I find  when you’re an optimist     life has a funny way of looking after you.|Simon Sinek

It seems like everybody’s perception of me is very bipolar. To one group      it’s overpaid overrated; to another group       it’s underpaid           underrated    underdog. It’s funny to me because there’s no real balance.|Jeremy Lin

Everything I buy is vintage and smells funny. Maybe that’s why I don’t have a boyfriend.|Lucy Liu

My parents were very funny – they didn’t know it. But they were. They were actually sharing an IQ.|Tim Conway

Comedy is just an unspoken language. Everybody understands it. Funny is funny. When it’s not funny            they’ll let you know.|Jo Koy

You know how old I am? I’m so old          I remember when Letterman used to be funny and it was presidents who were serious. That’s how old I am.|Rush Limbaugh

I look at old performance videos now       and it’s really funny – I thought I was such a gangster!|Becky G

I became good friends with Jack Whitehall. I think he’s great   such a great dude     and really funny.|Bo Burnham

It’s funny       but you get to a time in your life when you think you have all the friends you will ever have.|Liam Neeson

I get a stack of scripts          like    once a month            and most of the time           you find these placeholder girls that are there to provide a bounce for the male character. So we know he’s funny because she’s serious and she’s mad at him. We know he’s strong because she needs saving. So really            her job is to validate this personality trait of our hero or male.|Amber Heard

Comedy is only funny when there’s real pain.|Sebastian Stan

I like Jacques Derrida; I think he’s funny. I like my philosophy with a few jokes and puns. I know that that offends other philosophers; they think he’s not taking things seriously   but he comes up with some marvellous puns. Why shouldn’t you have a bit of fun while dealing with the deepest issues of the mind?|Alan Moore

God writes a lot of comedy… the trouble is          he’s stuck with so many bad actors who don’t know how to play funny.|Garrison Keillor

Sixth grade was a big time  in my childhood      of hoops and friendship     and coming up with funny things.|Adam Sandler

It’s so different when you change your hair color            you’re treated so differently. It’s a very funny experience. It’s fun – I love changing up my hair.|Kate Bosworth

Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It’s all funny. Next. Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.|Joan Rivers

People be famous for everything other than music and that’s what they really trying to do. But they don’t know once you get famous for being this funny guy         nobody’s going to take you serious as a musician.|Blueface

I never smoked. I never drank and I never took drugs. The funny thing is      nothing is more boring            people like this. For me      it’s OK. But most of my friends    at least they smoke and drink.|Karl Lagerfeld

Honestly        I am a very funny person   and I love making others laugh.|Nikki Tamboli

If you’re going to tell people the truth       be funny or they’ll kill you.|Billy Wilder

When you’re in the editing room    the dangerous thing is that it becomes like telling a joke again and again and again. Eventually            the joke starts to not be funny. So you have to be careful that you’re not throwing the baby out with the bath water.|Ridley Scott

Funny is funny. I dare anyone to look at Tim Conway and Harvey Korman doing the dentist sketch            which is more than 40 years old   and not scream with laughter.|Carol Burnett

It’s funny when people say  ‘I don’t think Julia likes me.’ Honey          if I don’t like you     you’re going to know about it.|Julia Roberts

Why do I want to annoy people? Because annoying people is funny.|Limmy

Everyone has at least one story      and each of us is funny if we admit it. You have to admit you’re the funniest person you’ve ever heard of.|Maya Angelou

You can’t be a real spy and have everybody in the world know who you are and what your drink is. That’s just hysterically funny.|Roger Moore

Yes     we do defend our office as we do defend our homes. This is a constitutional right everybody has      and nothing’s funny about that. The only reason they get mad at the Black Panther Party when you do it is for the simple reason that we’re political.|Fred Hampton

It may sound funny  but I love the South. I don’t choose to live anywhere else. There’s land here where a man can raise cattle           and I’m going to do it some day.|Medgar Evers

To me what separates a funny movie from a good movie is something personal.|Seth Rogen

It’s funny       I get a little quieter with time. I don’t want to chase my tail and one day repeat myself and repeat myself and one day have kids going to college and not have memories that I should    because I was too busy doing my thing.|Dave Matthews

The funny thing about having all this so-called success is that behind it is a certain horrible emptiness.|Sam Shepard

So that’s why one of my rules of parody writing is that it’s gotta be funny regardless of whether you know the source material. It has to work on its own merit.|Al Yankovic

I think ‘Saturday Night Live’           starting in the 1970s           really gave women an outlet to be funny. A lot of those women went on to have film careers        from Kristen Wiig now to Tina Fey and Gilda Radner.|Emma Stone

Being a funny person does an awful lot of things to you. You feel that you mustn’t get serious with people. They don’t expect it from you       and they don’t want to see it. You’re not entitled to be serious            you’re a clown.|Fanny Brice

I always thought there were two kinds of males in the world: the ones who look good naked and the ones who look funny naked.|David Hewlett

All I care about is making jokes that are funny and making people laugh.|Joel McHale

If I find something funny and make an older woman laugh       I love that for some reason.|Nathan Fielder

Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave.|Quentin Crisp

I had no desire to get up onstage and tell jokes. I prefer to stand next to really funny people.|Jon Hamm

I call myself the Amusement Park. That’s because I’m funny and scary at the same time.|Terry Crews

I’m quite sarcastic    and I’m funny           but not kind of funny. It’s a weird funny and some people don’t get me   and some people do.|Millie Bobby Brown

I did get the nickname ‘craptain’ from the Yorkshire dressing room. A bit of banter which I thought was quite funny.|Joe Root

I want to give kids that fall-off-the-bed-laughing feeling. Either that  or the sixth-grade feeling that life is hard – sometimes unbearably hard – and it is ultimately about death. But in the meantime    life can be really funny  too.|Kate Klise

Show me one guy or woman as funny as Rodney Dangerfield or as good as George Carlin            Richard Pryor            Bill Cosby    or Joan Rivers. There are a lot of good comics out there          no doubt  but as far as the quality of the comics goes         I think what you have is a bunch of situational comics.|Chris Rock

Funny enough           if you are looking at people these days who are putting Botox in their face and getting all sorts of plastic surgery  we look at them and go       I can tell you’ve had Botox. I can tell you’ve had plastic surgery. You look really strange to me. But no one’s saying anything. We’re just accepting the fact that they’re strange-looking.|Guy Pearce

Actually being funny is mostly telling the truth about things.|Bernard Sahlins

It was a JOB; the video show was a JOB; you don’t tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o’clock at night on network tv     it would be funny though. But those guys know I like dirty stuff        I like clean stuff too.|Bob Saget

I love hearing about bad behavior. It’s just so funny to me. Especially            grown ups acting like weird  inconsolable babies over really stupid things     to me is really funny.|Adam Scott

I don’t follow anything blindly. I have to know the entire thing            if I have to get in to it. It might sound funny to you  but it’s like using English language. I use an English word only when I know its meaning and understand its connotation. You won’t hear me say         ‘What’s up     dude’ or anything like that just for the heck of it.|Kailash Kher

Reality is like a doughnut: Everything that is good and funny and juicy is outside the center         which is just emptiness.|Olga Tokarczuk

Jon Stewart is exactly the same guy he’s always been    only with money. He knows that the moment he really believes he’s important    the funny goes away and he becomes Bill O’Reilly       except shorter and Jewish.|Denis Leary

Crashing is never funny      but sometimes you can jump up    laugh at your stupidity       and go            ‘What the hell was that?’|Jens Voigt

Isn’t it funny how babies laugh a lot? I read a toddler    a young child laughs 300 times a day. The average adult laughs like    four times a day. God put it in them. He put the laugh in us     but I think sometimes we let life get us down you know      have bad breaks       and we lose our breaks.|Joel Osteen

My girlfriend doesn’t think I’m funny at all.|Robbie Amell

It’s funny: people who meet me say           ‘I thought you’d be different.’ But I’m still the same guy.|Bill Engvall

I love every minute of fatherhood staying up all night  changing nappies    kids crying   I find it really funny and inspiring. It connects you to the world in a new way.|Elton John

A man who fails is funny… if my sketches teach anything        it is that         for the male  sex is a snare and a delusion. What’s so corrupting about that?|Benny Hill

It’s funny how the music industry is enraged about the Internet and the way things are copied without being paid for. But you know why people steal the music? Because they can’t afford the music.|Tom Petty

Ego is hilarious – especially the vanity of a comedian. As soon as you see one start worrying about how cool he is or about how many stadiums he can fill          he stops being funny.|Ricky Gervais

I guess funny people are attracted to funny people         and then you get comedy marriages.|Casey Wilson

As far as I’m concerned      ‘The Caretaker’ is funny up to a point. Beyond that       it ceases to be funny  and it was because of that point that I wrote it.|Harold Pinter

I want someone that’s caring           funny who’s similar to me – who doesn’t take life too seriously – keeps their private life private and is mature!|Maura Higgins

Pete Davidson – he’s in the movie ‘Trainwreck.’ He has a small part in it. I told Lorne Michaels about him     said he was really funny.|Bill Hader

Looking the way I look       whenever anybody’s looking for a light brown funny guy        I get the call… I’m 100 percent Greek           but I look like I could be Indian or Middle Eastern or Hispanic. If it’s ethnic       they’ll try and put me in it.|Jason Mantzoukas

I had gotten to a place where I truly believed everything I was called: ‘not sexy       ‘ ‘not funny    ‘ ‘too intense           ‘ desperate.’ All those labels they gave me            I took them because there wasn’t a trace of my true self left.|Naomi Watts

Let’s face it: It’s difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.|Alan King

Inappropriateness is funny to me. Rudeness is hilarious.|Zach Galifianakis

It’s funny       we appear as robots from another world  but what we do        what the robots create            is really human after all.|Guy-Manuel de Homem-Christo

Do you know it’s funny       but I never thought of being blind as a disadvantage     and I never thought of being black as a disadvantage.|Stevie Wonder

I’ve never worked in my natural accent    having studied so hard to get rid of it when I moved to England as a child where I was bullied at school for ‘talking funny.’|Gina Bellman

Everyone tells me I have a funny accent. It’s because I copy people. I learned English at school but have best friends who are French   Australian     English and American; a very weird mix.|Caroline Winberg

I think on the rap side of life          I’ve always been inspired by and respected Missy Elliott for a long time. She’s funny and created an image for herself that was non-sexualized but was really interesting and really cool and really kind of avant-garde in a lot of ways.|K. Flay

A funny thing happened to me on the way to the White House.|Adlai Stevenson II

The ‘Billionaire’ song is what my kids tease me with. They sing it to me. It’s funny.|Bill Gates

At this point  I’ve really failed at a lot of things. It’s nice to be able to say that         in a way. I’ve failed at music. I’ve failed at dance. And acting – there have been times when I went out and read lines to audition for acting parts. I believe that if anybody wrangled together those audition tapes         it would be pretty hysterically funny.|Steve-O

I carry with me from my male upbringing a sense that femininity is forbidden. So when I appear on YouTube with forty butterflies glued to my body and glitter all over my face           I have a sense that I’m getting away with something I’m not supposed to. I’m being decadent. I’m enjoying a forbidden pleasure. And that’s fun       and it’s funny.|ContraPoints

I went to the University of San Francisco on an athletic scholarship. I didn’t study in high school. I was just there to get by and to play basketball. But a funny thing happened to me when I got to college. I got challenged by the work and the professors.|Michael Franti

I find it so funny that people find me so interesting.|Britney Spears

It’s funny how people who ain’t never been down there can think that America is so fair and that we should be alright. It’s funny that the people who have their foot on our neck are telling us  ‘Get up. What’s wrong with you?’|Ice Cube

I think if everyone would write down the funny stories from their own childhoods  the world would be a better place.|Jeff Kinney

I could party in a cardboard box with people who are funny and don’t care. For me it’s really about who I surround myself with            so I just try to always be with hilarious people.|Kesha

Who knew Rob Lowe was funny? On ‘Parks and Rec    ‘ we’ve got some of the funniest comedy writers            some of the funniest comedians in the world working there. And if anything           we don’t just effuse to one another and be like        ‘Oh     Rob Lowe’s really funny    ‘ if he wasn’t.|Chris Pratt

It’s funny       as you live through something you’re not aware of it.|Maya Lin

There’s a difference between being a comic and a comedian. A comic is a guy who says funny things            and a comedian is a guy who says things funny and he has a style and point of view that will last much longer.|Milton Berle

My chin’s too big. And my nose – my nose is funny.|Sheila Hancock

I direct with energy. I believe in energy. I think energy is an electric thing in actors. I try to inspire            encourage     and make choices with lots of energy. And truth. I’m big fan of truth and being funny. I like leading 50 people into battle every day.|Matthew Lillard

It’s such a funny thing when you see your daughter transitioning from your baby     your little girl            to suddenly being a young woman. If you’re not really looking for it you can miss it         and Lily-Rose is on that road already   and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.|Johnny Depp

Objectifying is kind of a funny thing. Art is objectification      all art because you’re taking someone and making them into an object. But people can also talk back more to you when you’re sketching them. They can look at you and say         ‘Oh man        you got me wrong.’|Molly Crabapple

I never thought of myself as like    a funny person.|Lena Dunham

People often can’t separate or can’t understand  that to be funny is to be serious; it’s a way of pulling people in and not scaring them off. I think a lot of the funny stuff       underneath it there’s a deep anxiety going on.|Nick Cave

I had several turtles before they were in. People seemed to think they were funny. Now everyone is wearing them practically every place. I think that’s real fine     but I don’t agree they should go to a formal affair. Turtlenecks with dinner jackets seem ridiculous to me.|Peter Graves

Maybe I’m delusional but I’m usually funny. It’s not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.|Adam Carolla

My goal is really to just make people laugh with integrity        like    with something that I still find funny.|Ali Wong

Funny enough           you know who I used to really like in Lion King? It was Scar.|Burna Boy

It’s funny because if you ever ask anyone in England to try and do a Beatles accent no one knows what they really sound like. If you ask anyone in America        they would try and give it a go. English people just know their songs.|Aaron Taylor-Johnson

I’m a funny guy. I want people to laugh. I laugh at myself        I make fun of myself. But at the end of the day everything that I say has a message in it.|Lil B

Novels are not about expressing yourself they’re about something beautiful funny clever and organic. Self-expression? Go and ring a bell in a yard if you want to express yourself.|Zadie Smith

It’s funny       because I have periods where I just kind of go dark. I don’t tweet       I don’t talk    I don’t interview          and then I have times where I do.|Lance Armstrong

I’m probably not very funny. The scripts just don’t come in      or the ones that do aren’t that good. I suppose I’m just an old drama queen         really.|Ray Winstone

For me personally    I just don’t have anything to prove anymore. I know exactly who I am          I know that I’m intelligent and acting dumb or acting like whatever. If that’s funny to me because I know it’s false then so be it.|Emma Chamberlain

Playing video games            as funny as it might sound it’s a very important part of our day. Our schedule is so hectic chaotic          demanding that we need an outlet. We need ways to express ourselves and let our energy out.|Kofi Kingston

Flea markets are fun because they are the ultimate treasure hunt. Be open to the fact that you never know what you’ll find. The most beautiful           quirky           funny scary pieces may not have an intrinsic value.|Lara Spencer

If you’re talking about Java in particular  Python is about the best fit you can get amongst all the other languages. Yet the funny thing is   from a language point of view       JavaScript has a lot in common with Python   but it is sort of a restricted subset.|Guido van Rossum

‘Dirty Rotten Scoundrels’ is a good one because it not only turned out            I think           to be a really funny movie but it was also a delight to shoot. We were in the South of France         working with Glenne Headly and Michael Caine and Frank Oz the director – who were just fun.|Steve Martin

I’m screamingly funny         you know      I really am in the books. And that helps because I’m funnier than a lot of people  I think           and that’s appreciated by young people.|Kurt Vonnegut

Without hurting anybody    we all tend to laugh at others’ discomfort. When someone slips on a banana skin and falls it’s funny.|Shah Rukh Khan

When I was young   I’d watch guys on ‘The Tonight Show’      Buddy Hackett         guys like that            where all they’d be is funny. Later            I remember   on ‘Late Night with Letterman’      I remember he’d have Jay Leno and Richard Lewis as first guests and the entire point was to entertain and be funny and I think talk shows have kind of lost that.|Norm MacDonald

I think nudity is funny         especially when it’s inappropriate.|Chelsea Handler

If a comic laughs at their own jokes          I don’t like it. They shouldn’t find it funny; they should seriously believe in this stupid thing they’re saying.|James Acaster

I’m funny. I’m a comedian. I’m not a clown.|Bernie Mac

One of the things I like about acting is that          in a funny way         I come back to myself.|Bill Murray

Apparently    my father was funny. I didn’t really know him   but people have theories that the gag-smith gene trickles down through the blood amongst other terrible traits like a big nose and a temper.|Aisling Bea

Comedy is so subjective. You could be in a room with 400 people laughing at a joke and you could just not think it’s funny. You’re just sitting there like ‘Am I in the twilight zone? Why is everyone laughing?’ It’s such a personal thing. People have such a personal visceral response to comedy.|Todd Phillips

From the first time I saw Sid Caesar be funny I knew that’s what I had to do.|Billy Crystal

You can hate me for being a woman         you can hate me for being smart   you can hate me for being funny  but you hate me because I am doing something you could never do. End of story.|Iliza Shlesinger

There is a saying that if you get something for free        you should know that you’re the product. It was never more true than in the case of Facebook and Gmail and YouTube. You get free social-media services          and you get free funny cat videos. In exchange  you give up the most valuable asset you have    which is your personal data.|Yuval Noah Harari

You know      it wasn’t even that I’m a funny guy           I just loved stand-up comedy and I wanted to do it. It was one of the few things in my life that I knew I was going to be able to do          and I also felt as though I’d be able to do it the way I wanted to do it.|Bill Burr

Yes     I’ve been down the pike and back. And through the years        I’ve heard different songs with scatting in it   and it was – always cracked me up as kind of a funny style of music  you know? When I did it it kind of cracked me up as a comedy kind of routine.|J. J. Cale

I’m not funny in person. I mean I’m really not. I’m one of those people who always screw up anecdotes.|Bill Bryson

Some people say funny things        but I say things funny.|Don Rickles

It’s a funny thing       the less people have to live for      the less nerve they have to risk losing nothing.|Zora Neale Hurston

It’s a funny thing: people often ask how I discipline myself to write. I can’t begin to understand the question. For me       the discipline is turning off the computer and leaving my desk to do something else.|Barbara Kingsolver

At the end of the day it’s got to be a good movie it’s got to be a funny movie            and it’s got to make people think    ‘Hey   I couldn’t have spent my time any better.’|Tom Hanks

If my life wasn’t funny        it would just be true and that’s unacceptable.|Carrie Fisher

I don’t think the public is dying to see me necessarily be funny all the time.|Ben Stiller

Confidence is a funny thing            and sometimes that’s all you need is just that little bit to elevate you to the next level.|DeAndre Yedlin

They’re just jokes     people. They can’t all be funny.|Theo Von

One funny thing is    though           I wear my watch on my right hand and I’m actually right-handed. People always wonder why – I don’t know myself          I’ve just always done it that way and I like it the way a good watch fits on my right wrist.|Luke Evans

The funny response to ‘One Mississippi’ continues to be that people don’t know what is true and what’s fiction.|Tig Notaro

This is the great thing about Northern Ireland. I walk down the street and people stop me and say things like     ‘I know you. You’re that wee golfer          aren’t you?’ I say      ‘Yeah that’s me.’ They say ‘Keep it up     wee man.’ It’s very funny and that’s why I want to stay here as long as possible.|Rory McIlroy

I don’t just try to be funny.|Bil Keane

It’s true; I have a skill and it’s… it has not related to acting        it’s not related to auditions it’s not related to studios      not related to public whim. It’s whether I’m funny or not and whether I can entertain people.|Tim Allen

You know      fame is a funny thing          man    especially     you know      actors musicians     rappers           rock singers  it’s kind of a lifestyle and it’s easy to get caught up in it – you go to bars            you go to clubs        everyone’s doing a certain thing… It’s tough.|Eminem

Hurried and worried until we’re buried     and there’s no curtain call  Lifes a very funny proposition after all.|George M. Cohan

It’s funny       because there are so many stereotypes out there about actors and movie stars in general            but I’ve had a great opportunity to meet a lot of them    and maybe it’s just because they don’t behave that way around me but I rarely see that kind of abuse of power.|Ryan Reynolds

I guess what I always found funny was the human condition.|John Prine

There are a lot of funny things that happen in one’s life.|Pierce Brosnan

It’s funny the way most people love the dead. Once you are dead        you are made for life.|Jimi Hendrix

What’s funny is I probably still have some calligraphy business cards floating out in the world     and I can’t wait for someone to call me in a month or something     and say          ‘Can you do these for my son’s Bar Mitzvah?’|Meghan Markle

I got a lot of support from my parents. That’s the one thing I always appreciated. They didn’t tell me I was being stupid; they told me I was being funny.|Jim Carrey

All I know how to do is take what’s on my mind and spit it out funny. I don’t know what else I could do besides comedy.|Ron White

Probably spending 12 years at boarding school – comedy became a survival gene. But I think some people are funny right off the bat   as soon as they can speak or be naughty.|Eric Idle

It’s funny how all of this has worked out – I wasn’t popular in high school     but now every drunken guy in the United States wants to be my pal. They all want to buy me a shot and pretty soon I’m throwing up.|Jimmy Kimmel

The things that make me laugh are considered smart or whatever        I guess. But stuff that’s self-consciously intelligent or self-consciously hip or cool   that doesn’t do it for me either. You just try to be funny.|Greg Giraldo

All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.|Mitch Hedberg

I don’t feel that I’m explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I’m not trying to be a mirror            showing them what’s really going on the world. All I’m trying to do is think of stuff that’s funny            just like when I’m kidding around with my friends.|Steven Wright

If something is very very funny but possibly controversial      if it’s truly funny      then it’s worth doing. Things aren’t worth doing for the sake of being controversial.|John Mulaney

Boston is actually the capital of the world. You didn’t know that? We breed smart-ass        quippy            funny people. Not that I’m one of them. I just sorta sneaked in under the radar.|John Krasinski

It was the most fun I’ve ever had on a movie. It was one of the happiest times in my life. I was living in New York and I really enjoyed acting at the time. Also       it’s funny because that was also the time when I went downhill.|Mickey Rourke

Comedians’ first ten minutes usually stay with them the first several years of their career. It’s their mission statement. Their disclaimer that lets people know who they are. Or were. It’s also a good time to make fun of your name if you have a funny or strange one.|Bob Saget

The middle class is so funny          it’s the class I know best     and it’s the class where you find the most pretension        so that’s what makes the middle classes so funny.|J. K. Rowling

If you’re contriving something       if you’re making something up      it’s not funny. You can tell. It’s instant. It has to come from someplace real.|Jane Lynch

Richard Pryor introduced me to the world of the inner city       and the urban world and did it hysterically. My favorite comedian           even though we work 180 degrees differently    but funny is funny is funny.|Bob Newhart

It’s funny       sometimes life just comes down to bringing a little bit of light to somebody when you can.|Derek Trucks

At some point in the past    it was decided that women in comedy are never supposed to be shown in an unflattering light. But in comedy          you need all of your tools to be funny.|Melissa McCarthy

Funny things tend not to happen to me. I am not a natural comic. I need to think about things a lot before I can be even remotely amusing.|Rowan Atkinson

There’s a lot more to me than just funny.|Steve Harvey

Funny is only something that others know about you – you can’t be funny by yourself.|Chris Rock

‘Crash’ came from personal experience. I saw things inside me from living in L.A. that made me uncomfortable. I saw horrible things in people and saw terrible things in myself. I saw a black director completely humiliated         but the three people around me just thought it was funny. ‘No ‘ I said ‘that is selling your soul.’|Paul Haggis

Something that I’ve always been really keen on representing is some honesty with the way that we view ourselves. That’s something I’ve always appreciated watching actors that I’ve looked up to is when they look like you and me   or they have a funny elbow            or they have you know      a hairy face.|Florence Pugh

When Jonathan Winters died         it was like     ‘Oh     man!’ I knew he was frail   but I always thought he was going to last longer. I knew him as being really funny           but at the same time he had a dark side.|Robin Williams

I’ve dated some women who have turned me on to some funny things that are strange for men to actually do        but these things have become part of my process. I think the things I do for my appearance help make me look better. I even colour my hair because I like how it makes me look.|Ryan Seacrest

Writing for ‘Rooster’ was a strange experience. It’s funny         once you tap into a voice   words just start to flow. You know when you’ve hit a spirit or captured something.|Jez Butterworth

I think it’s great to see how they’ve grown up      not just as actors but as people. They’re still very much the same kids that I met many years ago. They’ve grown up and they are funny and wicked and naughty and bright   and I think as actors their work is just getting better and better. They’ve blossomed.|David Heyman

The whole character of Super Dave is a takeoff on people who pontificate. So one thing I never want to do is pontificate why this works why this is funny. I have no idea what the appeal is. All we are trying to do is make people have a good time and laugh.|Bob Einstein

I used to irritate people. I’d give them a hard time           and when it drove them crazy       that was funny to me.|Charlie Murphy

Johnny Rotten. He’s a big fan of mine. I used to see him out in the audience in England and he’d stand up and holler. He’s funny. Smart too         and a nice guy. Don’t think he’s a jerk because he isn’t.|Captain Beefheart

And as – funny enough        it actually became – so I’ve always wanted to be a Guinness world record holder. And believe it or not           before I made this there was not a Funny for world’s largest Nerf gun      but there is now.|Mark Rober

I’m just an entertainer. All I want to be is funny. I never aspired to play Hamlet.|Danny Kaye

The follow your dreams thing is really important because so many people are railroaded into taking other paths by their family  their friends  people who should be supportive going   ‘What are you talking about?’ Even just seemingly regular career paths           but if it’s not what people expect for you they kind of react funny.|Joan Jett

I was raised by women. Now I’m raising women. I was always better around girls. I live in an all-female household. I even have two female dogs… It’s funny how that turned out.|Aaron Taylor-Johnson

Life is funny and it is interesting how we make it as serious as possible.|Elisha Cuthbert

I’m       like    super-clumsy and weird and funny and dorky.|Shantel VanSanten

Comedy and tragedy co-exist. You can’t have one without the other. I’m of the school that anything can be funny if seen from a comedic point of view.|Harold Ramis

In general      the straight line of a joke sets up a premise         an expectation. Then the funny ending – the punch line – in a sense contradicts the original assumption by refusing to follow what had seemed a reasonable train of thought. Many jokes involve that simple matter of leaping outside what had appeared to be the rules of the game at the moment.|Steve Allen

Don’t send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals         when their cheery effect is needed.|P. J. O’Rourke

When I was a kid      I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never            like    ‘Oh     wow. I could say this some day on stage.’|Steven Wright

Funny is not a color. Being black is only good from the time you get from the curtain to the microphone.|Flip Wilson

Getting fan mail from Brazil is kind of funny.|Essie Davis

I always think everyone else is funnier than me. I look at other comedians and I say           ‘I wish I was that good.’ People think I’m funny     and I say       ‘I’m not.’|Carrot Top

I think it’s funny when people        they try to imitate the ‘Chandelier’ video. I think it’s hilarious.|Maddie Ziegler

The easiest time to be funny is during a fairly serious situation. That way      you can break the ice. It’s crazy  but even at funerals people will get huge laughs.|Adam McKay

It just seems to me that there’s no particular reason comedy albums should be dead. There’s a lot to laugh at. We have very funny people        still.|Eric Idle

It’s funny       when you have a theme so particular to cows – or it could be anything like hair or nails – when you’re rapping about a specific thing          you can have more punchlines about it.|Doja Cat

It’s hard to be funny when you have to be clean.|Mae West

I’m just not one of those naturally funny  relaxed actors who enjoy the spotlight and are so good at it.|Heath Ledger

I grew up between Detroit and Ghana       and I had to make friends in an instant. It sharpened my wit            and also        just for my own sanity’s sake        I felt like I wanted to entertain myself. So I’m going through all these experiences          and I ask myself      ‘Is this crazy? Is it? Wait    what’s so funny about this?’|Sam Richardson

I definitely started to perform a little bit in middle school         but not the typical musical/play route. I think that I am funny           but it was more of a social thing   where that was my part in my circle of friends.|Abbi Jacobson

Letterman is very intimidating because he’s so funny    so you have to be really prepared. Also   he’s a little squeamish about certain things      so you have to always be on guard to please him.|Norm MacDonald

I thought ‘Borat’ was a breakthrough comedy      because it was really funny. It wasn’t some studio-produced script with 14 writers.|Steve Martin

If you take a bunch of superstars and put them in a room where they don’t have their assistants and entourage       it’s funny to see what happens.|Daryl Hall

I have been working as an actor for 16-17 years now. The funny thing is I still feel awkward in communicating with the public as a star. It hasn’t been long since my drama ‘Goblin’ ended          and I’m looking forward for some time to rest.|Gong Yoo

It’s funny       because what happens to me when I read a script          when something grabs hold of me       I start getting these flashes of people or places or things or images.|Johnny Depp

I don’t mean to be funny.|Yogi Berra

I’m sure all actors have trouble. The guy who always plays the funny guy     he wants to be taken seriously. And there’s the action guy who wants to do serious stuff. Everyone’s grass is greener.|Jason Momoa

Funny enough           the most discrimination I’ve ever gotten as a woman in this industry has been from other women.|Reed Morano

Being funny is my biggest differentiator  and I think I’d be a fool not to use that     and there’s nothing I enjoy personally more than making a human being laugh. But then           I also think I have a serious side to me.|Lil Dicky

In ‘The Sound of Music       ‘ I was a von Trapp daughter in a white dress with a blue satin sash    and my line was   ‘I’m Brigitta. I’m 12 and all I want is a good time.’ I got a laugh. And I was so delighted            I laughed       too. Sadly     that’s a problem I still have – onstage       I laugh hysterically at how funny I am.|Hugh Grant

Nothing’s funny about someone who’s successful.|Drew Carey

It’s so funny  I’ve done so many projects where I’ve been interrogated. I guest starred on almost every hour drama    and I’m always the guy they think is the bad guy but then they find out is not.|Aaron Paul

I think it’s funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.|Jerry Seinfeld

One time I went into a restroom and a girl followed me in. I signed an autograph for her in the sink. It was pretty funny because she was in a guy’s restroom and she wasn’t embarrassed at all.|Zac Efron

I did this movie called ‘Their Eyes Were Watching God            ‘ and I was an extra  and it was a movie that Oprah was producing. She had walked by    and I was making all the other extras laugh        and she said          ‘You’re a very funny young lady.’ I was like       ‘Eeeee!’|Tiffany Haddish

I feel like somebody who just is very understanding is my biggest thing – timing is a major issue for me – but also funny! Obviously I want someone really cute and fun and fresh for good Instagram pictures and that just makes me really happy.|James Charles

I did a lot of serious plays   and I did the Oxford Review as well        which is supposed to be funny            but I’m not sure how funny we were when we did it. Then       when I finished my course it was only then that I decided to go to drama school and try and do acting because I was enjoying it so much and so on.|Katherine Parkinson

If I studied all my life          I couldn’t think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress.|Will Rogers

What I like about the jokes to me it’s a lot of logic        no matter how crazy they are. It has to make absolute sense           or it won’t be funny.|Steven Wright

I’ve seen many female comics that a lot of people haven’t heard of who are so funny          and I saw them come up           and they were working so hard     and then all of a sudden they had a baby and they just got tied up in motherhood           and eventually         they kind of just stopped doing stand-up        and I thought it was such a shame.|Ali Wong

I always ended up having the funny part in Shakespeare           but I really thought I’d be doing theater. That was my ambition for myself.|Jane Lynch

I basically started performing for my mother       going ‘Love me!’ What drives you to perform is the need for that primal connection. When I was little          my mother was funny with me      and I started to be charming and funny for her  and I learned that by being entertaining  you make a connection with another person.|Robin Williams

I’m a funny guy. You’ve got to be able to make fun of yourself. We only live once.|Jon Pardi

Chaos in the midst of chaos isn’t funny    but chaos in the midst of order is.|Steve Martin

I’m funny when I want to be. And I’m even funny when I don’t want to be.|Elaine Stritch

For me            I can’t watch violence when it’s too grotesque    and it’s just like        that’s revolting to watch. I don’t enjoy it. But when it’s a Tarantino film    I’m lining up outside the door to see it     and I’m expecting to see something really crazy         a lot of blood           and for it to be funny.|Aaron Taylor-Johnson

My mum passing away wasn’t funny        but that funeral and what I went through the things that happened       looking back at it     there were funny moments. You have to be strong enough to look back at it        to sit and assess the situation.|Kevin Hart

It’s funny because I’ve made a living off of words          but words get in the way of what you really want to say.|Kanye West

I grew up playing hockey and some football       and I always think about the first time you walk into the locker room on a new team. The cliques are looking at you funny and you make one friend    but then they’re trying to stab you in the back.|Aaron Douglas

When I’m being funny         I try not to offend. I don’t think much of what I’ve done has been in really ghastly taste. I don’t think I have embarrassed many people or distressed them.|Kurt Vonnegut

I can’t prevent myself of being funny.|Gaspar Noe

When you’re small   you either are funny            or you get beat up a lot.|Tim Conway

It was a scandal when I did French ‘Playboy’ in 2008    though I was never actually nude in it. I think it’s really funny that I’ll have a cover of ‘Playboy’ to show my grandkids.|Lily Cole

I’ve always loved ‘Umbrella.’ Funny enough        my ex-husband wrote that and I’m not saying it was meant for me or anything – people will start twisting this – it is Rihanna’s song! But I’ve always loved it.|Christina Milian

What I do onstage    there’s maybe .0001 percent of the population that acts like that. I talk like that because it makes me laugh  and because I know a couple of people that talk like that. They’re really that Southern. And they do funny things. I love ’em; they’re awesome. They’re good people.|Larry the Cable Guy

The only time I get sick of making people laugh is when I’m in a non-writing-joke mode   and I just can’t seem to come up with anything new that’s funny. That’s a tough place to be as a comedian.|Bill Burr

I’ve had chronic back pain since I was a preteen – like   12. I have really funny posture. I developed this funny posture where I hunch my back a little bit when I’m playing          and I overuse my back muscles instead of my abs. My posture has put a lot of strain on my lower back.|Christen Press

I don’t think I’m funny.|Liam Neeson

It’s funny – if you impersonate somebody they have no idea it’s them.|Tracey Ullman

Comediennes are the lucky ones    because if you’re funny      you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.|Joan Rivers

It doesn’t matter how many times the audience has heard it before. If it’s funny        it’s funny.|Tommy Cooper

Unless someone wants to look funny        I’ll not recommend anyone to copy my bowling action. But on a serious note      with the confidence that I have got from the amount of runs I have been scoring            when I’m thrown the ball to bowl I am pretty sure of what I have to do. I may not be the most attractive to watch while bowling  but I can be effective.|Virat Kohli

There’s a fine line between angry and grumpy. Angry isn’t nice           but grumpy is funny.|Rick Wakeman

I think I have an inner confidence that my tastes are pretty simple      that what I find funny finds a wide audience. I’m not particularly intellectual or clever or minority-focused in my creative instincts. And I’m certainly not aware of suppressing more sophisticated ambitions.|Rowan Atkinson

When I’m on stage    it’s really intense. My mind is going a million miles an hour   trying to remember my act      trying to say it all the right way. It’s funny how different it looks and how it’s happening. There are three Fellini circuses in my head  and outwardly it looks like I’m going to get a bagel.|Steven Wright

It’s funny       when bands or younger musicians ask me: ‘So   what does it take to make it?’ Well            first explain to me what you mean by ‘making it’: Do you want to be a rock star or do you want music to be your livelihood?|Eddie Van Halen

It’s funny. All you have to do is say something nobody understands and they’ll do practically anything you want them to.|J. D. Salinger

I know I’m more on television       and I’m more recognisable than maybe even the players because they run and train     but I just stand there           and my face does all these funny things that everyone can see all the time.|Jurgen Klopp

I’m attracted to women who are smart and funny and ambitious and have lives of their own and great families. Isn’t that what attracts anyone?|Tom Brady

That’s why ‘Gangnam Style’ works. If someone handsome uses that phrase it’s just awkward. But if someone like me uses it       it’s funny.|Psy

We want to be funny. We want to make people laugh… We’ll do whatever it takes.|Colin Mochrie

I never thought I was funny            but I enjoy being funny.|Nora Dunn

Harry Reid is not funny; he’s creepy. Nancy Pelosi is creepy. Charles Schumer is sneaky and creepy.|Lewis Black

You initially become funny as a kid because you’re looking for attention and love. Psychologists think that’s all to do with mother abandonment. I think John Cleese has his depressions   and Terry Gilliam’s the same. All of us together make one completely insane person.|Eric Idle

It’s a different world: when I’m writing ‘Toast     ‘ I’ve got one foot in 1974 and one foot in the modern day      because the modern day is nowhere near as funny or interesting.|Matt Berry

Funny is the world I live in. You’re funny            I’m interested. You’re not funny    I’m not interested.|Jerry Seinfeld

I can’t stress to you enough how much I can relate to teens being cyberbullied. Something that helps me is looking at old videos of me and my friends from middle school or videos of my family. I love watching funny videos of my favorite people – it really cheers me up.|Ariana Grande

I love being a mum. Sophia is so funny and has a great personality.|Abbey Clancy

I think anyone who’s perfectly happy isn’t particularly funny.|Joan Rivers

You know being relevant or coming up with something interesting    funny to say about what’s current is just as hard as it might ever be depending on the serendipity of it all.|Lily Tomlin

When I was a kid      I used to be like a professional juggler in training. That’s funny          right?|A. J. Green

I think the kick to doing comedy is just to get in a film with really funny people and let them do their jobs. I find that in most comedies  I’m not the funny one          which works out great.|Amy Adams

I’m funny with food even if it’s vegan. I like it well well          well    well done. I don’t want anything there that reminds me of blood. I get mine extra well done. That way when I look at it       I’m like            ‘Okay cool.’|Ghostface Killah

That’s my main flaw: I always think Jimmy Kimmelity figures or my boss is going to think something I do is funny. And usually they don’t.|Jimmy Kimmel

I’ve always believed that there are funny people everywhere   but they’re just not comedians. In fact            some of my best comedic inspirations were not professional entertainers.|Steve Martin

How could anyone like me for my true self? Being gay disabled        loud and funny was too much in one 5ft person.|Rosie Jones

It’s funny – almost every comedian that I started out with moved to L.A.        except for my two friends Hannibal Buress and Amy Schumer. And my two friends that are doing the best in comedy          the most successful friends I have        are Hannibal Buress and Amy Schumer.|Eric Andre

I think there’s something funny about people who laugh in the face of convention or surprise us morally.|Phoebe Waller-Bridge

I’d love to do something funny. Our work often deals with tough subjects. You do your research and it can be quite dark. So after all these years of drama        I’d like to go to work someday with the sole intention of making people laugh.|Adrian Dunbar

I’ve always found it easier to be funny than to be serious.|Molly Ivins

I get asked     ‘Who would you really like to work with?’ I’m already working with them. Smart   talented          funny people good musicians        an extended family good friends.|Christopher Guest

Someone said to me at a party once          ‘Oh     yeah   you’re a comedian? Then how come you’re not funny now?’ And I just wanted to say       ‘Well  I’m just going to take this conversation we’re having and then repeat that to strangers     and then that’s the joke. You’re the joke later.’|Mike Birbiglia

I’d rather not have a moment when I’m known for my looks; being funny and interesting lasts longer.|Kelly Ripa

I know that I’m going to die and that you’re going to die. I can’t do anything about that. But I can explore it through a metaphor and make a kind of funny dark story about it   and in doing so        really exhaust and research as many aspects of it as I can imagine. And in a way    that does give me some closure.|Chuck Palahniuk

It sounds funny         but my biggest fear is that I’m not perfect. I’m a perfectionist and I get upset when things go wrong or when I don’t do well.|Nick Jonas

Comedians don’t laugh. They’re too busy analyzing why it’s funny or not.|James Lipton

I didn’t plan to be the rude middle-class comedian. You write a certain type of joke that you find funny            and mine happen to be often rude. Yes    it’s juvenile   but that’s me.|Jimmy Carr

Somebody said something funny to me the other day. They said         ‘Wolper         until two weeks ago      your tombstone was going to say  ‘David Wolper         the man who produced ‘Roots.’ I think the tombstone now has a new inscription. It’s going to be ‘David Wolper       the man who produced the opening ceremony of the 1984 Olympics.’|David L. Wolper

People don’t expect me to be as funny as I am.|Alicia Keys

As a comedian          it really gelled when I started doing standup. Because standup is so much about bravery          especially in the early days. There is no doubt that it is going to go terribly for you over and over and over again. But you cannot get funny without bombing.|Aisha Tyler

When ‘Mean Girls’ came out           I was 15. So I saw that movie and was like         ‘That is so funny.’ But it still has that fluffy     happy ending           and that doesn’t happen in high school.|Barrett Wilbert Weed

I wasn’t even 20 at the time but it taught me something about drugs. They can take a good man   a warm  funny loving family man   and turn him into a loser and worse.|Michael Bergin

When I read the ‘Ugly Betty’ pilot I thought       ‘Oh     this part’s funny.’ I said to my husband    ‘I’m going to get it!’ But based on what? All my exquisite comedic work in a Nike commercial?|Becki Newton

‘Come out’ is so funny to me because I’ve never been in.|Adam Lambert

The token gay character is always so funny and so fantastic. That’s happened a lot. Or they’re often purely victims.|Ezra Miller

Yes     I see the Mobile Base System really is the shoulder of the arm. The arm is right there        like a human arm. It’s really funny to look at the similarities between a human arm and the Canadian robotics arm.|Philippe Perrin

I don’t know if you know you’re funny     but you enjoy being funny. I know I’m funny because people tell me I am   but when I watch myself    it doesn’t make me laugh. Does that make sense? Because I know the jokes          and to me      I feel like I’m pulling the wool over people’s eyes. And there are probably people who do not enjoy what I do.|Greg Behrendt

It is funny how we talk about nature as this separate entity when we are nature        and nature is us.|Jon Hopkins

It’s a funny thing       life… as much as you don’t want the sun to come up     it comes up the next day. Life continues on and you have to make a choice in how you handle it.|Glenn McGrath

I don’t say things to be offensive; I say things because they’re funny to me. It amuses me.|Marilyn Manson

What bothers most critics of my work is the goofiness. One reviewer said I need to make up my mind if want to be funny or serious. My response is that I will make up my mind when God does          because life is a commingling of the sacred and the profane     good and evil. To try and separate them is fallacy.|Tom Robbins

Funny thing about the volatile and biased French crowds. While they’d prefer to be cheering a countryman and giving his foreign opponent merry hell            if there was no Frenchman in the game            they’d always support a Continental player over an Englishman         an American or an Australian.|Rod Laver

The first thing I ever got my hands on was Andy Griffith’s ‘What It Was       Was Football.’ I was fascinated with the fact that every syllable made it funny          and I would laugh even though I didn’t know what any of it meant.|Ron White

All people from small islands dance funny.|A. A. Gill

I have never pretended to be any kind of super-religious kind of man but I feel very strongly that you can be funny without being dirty.|Jonathan Winters

Hollywood’s just not funny.|Chris Rock

Because death and illness are the most horrible things in life    of course that’s where the most absurdly funny things are going to happen.|Julia Sweeney

I had everything I’d hoped for        but I wasn’t being myself. So I decided to be honest about who I was. It was strange: The people who loved me for being funny suddenly didn’t like me for being… me.|Ellen DeGeneres

Raw parsley makes me gag. It’s the same for my mum and my sister. Which is funny because apparently parsley was used to suffocate witches       back in the day.|Daisy Lowe

I always believe that funny is serious and serious is funny. You don’t really need a distinction between them.|Trevor Noah

I don’t think anyone in my family was funny.|Glenn Danzig

Usually          if I think something is really funny          I’m not gonna test it. I’ll just test it when I’m onstage.|Donald Glover

The nightmare is you spend the rest of your life being funny at parties and then people say           ‘Why didn’t you do that when you were on television?’|Conan O’Brien

I remember straightening my hair because I wanted to be like everybody else          and now the fact that anybody would emulate what I do? It’s just funny.|Taylor Swift

Follow your instincts. Do the kind of writing you love to do and do best. ‘Stiff’ was an oddball book – I mean   a funny book about cadavers? – and I worried that it would be too unconventional. In the end            that’s what has made it a success  I think.|Mary Roach

Its funny        because for females in general – not just in music          but the corporate ladder as well – anything we do has always been harder for us. When it comes to music      the industry wants you to conform         to look like this and to sound like this and do this or that. It makes it harder. It’s harder for us to come out and be bosses and lead the pack.|Missy Elliott

Stories in families are colossally important. Every family has stories: some funny   some proud  some embarrassing  some shameful. Knowing them is proof of belonging to the family.|Salman Rushdie

The funny thing about insane people is that it is kind of the opposite of being a celebrity. Nobody envies you.|Robert M. Pirsig

Acting for me            has never been about wanting attention or wanting to be seen. It’s funny that I’m in a profession where that’s where I am. There’s so much I want to express; it’s about connecting with another person and the intimacy of what that is   and so I have to overcome my shyness.|Jessica Chastain

You can’t fake comedy. You can’t make it look beautiful or put an interesting bit of music on in the background: funny can only be funny if you’re funny.|Aisling Bea

In terms of the creative side of it    it’s really been a thing where you come up with the funny stuff is usually at a bar or out talking to people or whatever.|Trey Parker

It’s a funny kind of month   October. For the really keen cricket fan  it’s when you discover that your wife left you in May.|Denis Norden

One longs to be funny         to make people laugh. Laughter is such a sign of approval      isn’t it?|Tom Baker

From my perspective           probably women are won over by people who are sweet and respectful and courteous and kind and funny. I think those are the things that win women over.|Zooey Deschanel

God hadn’t made me handsome     but he’d given me something         I always felt: funny bones.|Jerry Lewis

Voice actors I used to know who were starting out in comedy were guys who did a lot of voices. They were usually comedy actors who developed their comedy by doing tons of impressions and voices that were usually very funny. And I never did any of that     so that’s         I guess           why I don’t consider myself a voice actor.|H. Jon Benjamin

Once you get past funny     my other qualities are so below average. It’s not like I’m handy.|Seth Meyers

It’s so funny because if you tweet your lyrics and then you hear it in a song next week        you’re like            ‘Hey I had that same idea.’ I’m very secretive with my music. We have to send emails password protected. Because once that song gets out          you aren’t selling that thing.|Ester Dean

When I was a little kid         I wrote this play about all these characters living in a haunted house. There was a witch who lived there           and a mummy. When they were all hassling him           this guy who bought the house – I can’t believe I remember this – he said to them        ‘Who’s paying the mortgage on this haunted house?’ I thought that was really funny.|Mindy Kaling

I make a point to tweet out really funny comments I get on YouTube videos. I have the most ridiculous ones.|Clairo

I mean sometimes… a comedian becomes an actor         and they just don’t deliver  because the bottom line of comedy is to be funny        and the bottom line of acting is to be truthful     and they get that mixed up sometimes          or don’t even notice that that’s the thing.|Eddie Izzard

I tend to head for what’s amusing because a lot of things aren’t happy. But usually you can find a funny side to practically anything.|Maggie Smith

To me writing is remembering something funny that happened          or maybe something I said seven years ago.|Matthew Perry

Given a little time for the pain to subside dreadful experiences often can be the basis of funny jokes or stories.|Steve Allen

My parents    grandparents aunts and uncles were all funny    and I felt that energy           that delivery         that timing    that sarcasm. All that stuff seeped into my brain.|Jeff Ross

My mama never wore a pair of pants when I was growing up  and now that’s all she wears. It was so funny for me when I first started seeing Mama wear pants. It was like it wasn’t Mama. Now I’ve bought her many a pantsuit because she just lives in them.|Dolly Parton

I’m funny on camera sometimes. In life    once in a while. Once in a while.|Gene Wilder

I love sprinting         but I hate long-distance running. Isn’t that funny?|Dylan O’Brien

I want to push that no matter what race you are  you’re never just a sidekick or broken character. You’re the main character   you’re the funny character you can be whatever you want.|Lexi Underwood

It’s my mission to get the New Zealand accent into a Hollywood show. I’m proud of the way we talk            and I’m here to represent it. Kiwis are everywhere: they’re in every city of the world. I’ve checked. We have a voice… it’s a bit of a funny one at times    but it’s one that I want to promote.|Rhys Darby

The funny thing about history is that we imagine that people didn’t laugh in the old days   but of course they did         at stupid things.|Terry Jones

I know what’s funny and I probably know the best way to deliver the joke. Whether it’s walking out of a room            facing that way        facing this way. I just have a sense of that.|James Burrows

Comedy is a tool of togetherness. It’s a way of putting your arm around someone    pointing at something      and saying    ‘Isn’t it funny that we do that?’ It’s a way of reaching out.|Kate McKinnon

My dad is a storyteller. I’ve heard his funny stories 500 times  but I would never stop him because he tells them so brilliantly and still knows where to put the funny bit.|Sarah Millican

I can’t even look at daily comic strips. And I hate sitcoms because they don’t seem like real people to me: they’re props that often say horrible things to each other    which I don’t find funny. I have to feel like they’re real people.|Roz Chast

That’s what you don’t see about coach Saban. He’s a very funny guy.|Ha Ha Clinton-Dix

It’s funny how God will change your plans for you when he’s ready.|Brett Young

Every day after school for 10 years           I was on the set of ‘Married… with Children       ‘ which is a really funny and perverse place for a little girl in a Catholic school uniform to grow up.|Meghan Markle

I guess the producers saw me and knew I was literate and I always tried to be alert and it’s funny because you have to have a sharpness to do those shows  especially some of the ones I did in later years.|June Lockhart

No one remembers this because it’s the whipping boy   but ‘The Single Guy’ was very well-reviewed and watched  and then the central concept became attacked by the very people who were putting it on. And then the next thing you know you’re running in fear          and everyone stops being funny.|Brad Hall

I’ve grown up around some incredibly funny people      which has been a blessing and curse because now I’ve been completely spoiled in terms of what I find funny.|Dan Levy

It’s a real primal thing          watching someone get hurt. It’s funny and accessible.|Johnny Knoxville

I have gotten a couple of letters meant for Mr. Bean aka Rowan Atkinson. These letters would say things like      ‘You’re so funny      you make me laugh with your big rubbery face ‘ and I would say            ‘You can’t mean me!’|Sean Bean

When I got the phone call that I was going to be on ‘Drag Race’ I thought I was going to win. I thought I was going to win ‘Drag Race’ before I was even cast. I’m not even being funny. I’m being serious.|Bob the Drag Queen

It’s funny – sometimes when you approach people they get freaked out but occasionally you’ll find a gem who’s unselfconscious in front of the camera.|Lynne Ramsay

I enjoy doing comedy that is why I pursue it. I believe that life is hard enough already and full of drama so I find things that are funny to use as material.|Kim Wayans

If you’re an aspiring show maker   and you have the means to sit around for a few months you should be making funny cartoons and uploading them to the internet.|Pendleton Ward

I don’t know who the hell Paul Lynde is   or why he’s funny    and I prefer it to be a mystery to me.|Paul Lynde

A transposable aphorism is a malaise of the urge to be witty    or in other words     a maxim that is untroubled by the fact that the opposite of what it says is equally true so long as it appears to be funny.|Umberto Eco

‘Red Band Society’ is inspiring       funny and an uplifting story that makes you want to make the most of your life    love and live to the fullest  and that’s a great message.|Nolan Sotillo

I remember being four or five        not understanding how to be funny          so just going around the house and my mum and dad’s friends       confusing adults by saying weird things.|James Acaster

When I do a voiceover now there are always a few people I’ve borrowed bits off     whether it’s their hats or facial hair      who’ll say: ‘That’s so funny; it’s obviously based on this guy.’ You think       ‘It ain’t: it’s you.’ Actors never think characters are based on them.|Matt Berry

My dad is a really funny guy          and we would make jokes about my leukemia. When my friends would come over      we would joke about it       too.|Vanessa Bayer

George Carlin maintained that anything and everything is funny given the right context. This context also includes your own history with a given group. What I can get away with and where I can go is not a problem with my audience because they know me.|Paul Provenza

It is funny to me that because I can run    because I’m athletic people tend to see that as my only asset.|Colin Kaepernick

I have seen and heard comedians who had really funny ‘stuff’ but yet could not make the people laugh; then    again – I have seen others whose stuff was anything but humorous    and the audience would howl with laughter.|Al Jolson

Some guys may play around and say a couple of things but if I say it I mean it. I may laugh         it may be funny but if I say I’m going to get you    I’m going to get you.|Deontay Wilder

But I think you can make fun of anything as long as it’s funny enough.|Sarah Silverman

I don’t believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why something is funny. It’s funny because it’s ridiculous and it’s ridiculous for different reasons at different times.|Jackie Mason

I realized I was gay in the shower one day with Barbra Streisand. It happened while I was lathering            rinsing           and repeating with Pert Plus. As I was belting out the chorus to my favorite song from ‘Funny Girl       ‘ ‘Oh my man I love him so he’ll never know…’ it hit me.|Ross Mathews

I can’t tell if I want to be a rapper who’s funny because I kind of enjoy just doing really stupid songs about nothing. But I want to have a career that’s long-lasting   and I don’t think people want to listen to a straight-up comedy rapper all the time.|Awkwafina

For 35 years  I was a writer. I wrote a lot of jokes. Some of them weren’t funny. Some of them weren’t appropriate. Some of them were downright offensive. I understand that.|Al Franken

If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude        they’d be off TV. They’re not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we’d know who she was?|Adam Carolla

When someone calls me up and wants me to do something      of course I am open to it. But I am not going to do it if there isn’t anything interesting or funny about it.|David Faustino

It’s funny       I guess when I was growing up     I didn’t really think about being an instrumentalist            per se. I didn’t think well    I want to be a piano player or       I want to be a guitar player or even    I want to be a singer. I just wanted to be a musician.|Jacob Collier

In person       RuPaul is warm       funny personable – someone who thoroughly enjoys life.|Jenna Wortham

Coach Blatt is very   very knowledgeable about the game. And it just goes to show you that no matter where you’re at         he knows as much about basketball as anyone. You learn a lot from him. And he’s a very charming guy very personable. He’s pretty funny           too.|Joe Harris

A lot of men are competitive about being funny.|Arden Myrin

Always remember your kid’s name. Always remember where you put your kid. Don’t let your kid drive until their feet can reach the pedals. Use the right size diapers… for yourself. And   when in doubt            make funny faces.|Amy Poehler

I worked with Tyler before on ‘Daddy’s Little Girls’. He couldn’t be smarter or more laid back and cool. He’s always throwing out lines and is funny as hell. And he was shining his light on ‘Peeples’       too            lending his name to showcase Tina as a first-time director      and me as a first-time lead.|Craig Robinson

Sex is funny and love is serious.|Stephan Jenkins

The funny thing about directing is that you have your own opinions   but it’s a collaboration. Directing is a group effort. Even though you might think something works        the smartest thing you can do as a director is try and weigh the opinions of the people around you.|Chris Evans

Michael Bates was a very funny actor; he’d served in India       could speak Urdu    and had great comic timing.|Sanjeev Bhaskar

What’s funny about my resume is so much of what I’ve done has not been seen.|Nicholas D’Agosto

I always tell people that to be the funny person in a Steve Martin movie is like getting a call that Keith Moon wants you to play drums on his record. He should be playing drums on his record.|Jason Schwartzman

I never understand when people say         ‘Do you do comedy or tragedy?’ I don’t think they’re very much different. They both have to be true            and there isn’t a great play in the world that doesn’t have funny parts to it – as ‘Salesman’ does            as ‘King Lear’ does. The whole idea is to reflect life in some way  which means surely you have to have both.|Mike Nichols

Not all detectives are the same – some play bad cop       some are awkward  some are funny.|Juliette Lewis

In the U.K. and Ireland        crowd-work is a big thing. It shows you how funny someone would be if you met them off-stage. Americans don’t care if you’re funny off-stage. They want to see the writing; they want to see the work you did.|Aisling Bea

It’s truly a new day ever since we graced the WWE Universe with our presence. Every time we come out there         you see us being funny       having fun    entertaining people and      of course       preaching the power of positivity. That’s what New Day is all about.|Kofi Kingston

It’s funny: I kinda still float under the radar. I’m not tall like a New York Knick; I’m not a heavy  strong New York Giant or New York Jet. I blend in pretty well. A lot of people don’t recognize me too many places. More men recognize me than women.|Curtis Granderson

I love airports because funny things always happen at them. They’re giant complexes full of urgency            seriousness   and confusion. Where am I supposed to be? Which way do I go? And that’s just the staff.|Rhys Darby

There are many Bollywood actresses who work in the South and speak Tamil or Malayalam        and though it is correct   we find it funny sometimes.|Aishwarya Rajesh

I just always remember there being an ability to amuse schoolmates. Not in a kind of ‘dance-around-at-the-front-of-the-room-with-his-trousers-off’ way but probably with a sardonic quip. I remember getting a school report that said something like    ‘Steve’s good but he tries to see the funny side in everything.’|Stephen Merchant

I went from 250 to   like    175 in three and a half        four months. And then I ended up graduating with honors. I went from a 2.4 to a 3.06 in a year. It’s funny how those two are related. I don’t want to say that if you lose weight   you’ll get smarter     but… well      it worked for me.|Jay Pharoah

I make funny videos of me playing video games and I share those moments.|PewDiePie

All people go through moments that are tough    but looking at them through comedy is so fun. You can look at anything in life and say ‘Sure  this is crap    but it’s kinda funny.’|Helene Yorke

Latinos           Asians           African-Americans women – we’re all trying to find our place in this world of cinema and television and theater. And the great thing with comedy is that most of the time            you could be orange. It doesn’t matter     as long you’re funny.|Sandra Bullock

My dad has blond hair         my grandmother has blue eyes. My daughter has blue eyes and blond hair. So it is pretty funny to me that I’m so heavily identified as an Asian person.|Ruthie Ann Miles

I went to New York for Fashion Week and girls showed up waiting to see me. It’s funny because there’s a group of girls who I actually recognize because they always show up. It’s nice and I’m like        ‘Hi girls! I recognize your faces!’ It’s just like a feel-good experience.|Katie Cassidy

People think it’s funny that I enjoy dreaming so much. I just use it as a form of entertainment. It’s very private. I don’t see my dreams as separate. I mean          half the time I’m wandering around dreaming anyway.|Robert Smith

If you look at shows like ‘Def Comedy Jam’ in its heyday         there were so many really funny   talented black comics that never would have gotten on that show because they just weren’t doing comedy that fit that mold.|Aisha Tyler

By making the gay character funny and sweet but above all normal    you make a far better          longer lasting statement than you would if you had an entirely gay comedy.|Sue Perkins

I like to play music   and I like to be funny         so I just do both at the same time.|Christopher Guest

I write what I think is funny and I write from a sense of popping a balloon or a sense of injustice whether it’s about yourself  or whether it’s about something else. It’s my worldview; it doesn’t mean that everybody has to agree with it.|Denis Leary

I love ‘AP Bio’ – I think it’s so funny – it’s just not the show I want to do.|Adam F. Goldberg

And I think that being able to make people laugh and write a book that’s funny makes the information go down a lot easier and it makes it a lot more fun to read        easier to understand and often stronger. So there’s all kinds of advantages to it.|Al Franken

A lot of stand-up comedians are actually very insecure and they come on slightly battling the audience. They want to be the superior person in the room       sneering at the world. That can be very funny. But to me       what’s more interesting is that the world is on my shoulders   and it’s pushing me down.|Stephen Merchant

What’s funny is that the idea of popularity – even the use of the word ‘popular’ – is something that had been mostly absent from my life since junior high. In fact        the hallmark of life after junior high seemed to be the shedding of popularity as a central concern.|Susan Orlean

The shooting of the guns     that was kind of funny        because rolling a cigarette and shooting a gun aren’t like normal things for a 13-year old girl!|Hailee Steinfeld

Naked dudes are inherently funny.|Adam DeVine

Things have to be funny first          and if they want to have a point    that’s awesome.|John Mulaney

There is something about sex that always brings out the funny in me. I think it’s because we make such fools of ourselves over it.|Rita Moreno

The misconception is that standup comics are always on. I don’t know any really funny comics that are annoying and constantly trying to be funny all the time.|Joe Rogan

When I tell people I’m a comedian they say         ‘Oh     are you funny?’ I say           ‘No     it’s not that kind of comedy.’|Susan Sarandon

Everything seems fine until you’re about 40. Then something is definitely beginning to go wrong. And you look in the mirror with your old habit of thinking   ‘While I accept that everyone grows old and dies     it’s a funny thing      but I’m an exception to that rule.’|Martin Amis

People are apprehensive about finding ‘The Leftovers’ funny because it’s such a dark circumstance            but I think     really what the show is about is examining how different people deal with loss. There are elements of humour and levity and irony in that… just like in real life.|Emily Meade

The drawings in ‘Portal’ were actually me scribbling that stuff… I had a funny moment when I realized that someone gotten ‘The cake is a lie’ tattooed on themselves. It was really interesting to see my handwriting tattooed on another human being. That… that’s odd.|Kim Swift

The funny thing about the people I don’t like – they’re very self-centered.|Brendon Urie

Sausages are just funny. I don’t know why. I can’t explain it.|Phoebe Waller-Bridge

It’s funny       because when you’re younger you’re in a rush to be 18 or 21 or whatever. But then you hit 30. And now        the days go by like hours. You think        40        man    this could be the halfway point. It could be the three-quarters point you know? Who knows?|Mark Wahlberg

I just find all that stuff incredibly funny. I love a fart. I’d do anything for a good poo story.|Phoebe Waller-Bridge

I always dreamed about getting on TV and being part of a team – a funny ensemble.|D’Arcy Carden

Funny thing is that the poorer people are the more generous they seem to be.|Dolly Parton

Funny is funny         and it can come in 8 billion different shades and flavors          so I think it’s silly to kind of limit it.|Melissa McCarthy

The inventory process and stepping back in your life can sometimes be a very dark process. But it also can be extremely funny and surprising.|Craig Charles

It’s a weird thing. Rick Springfield wrote ‘Jessie’s Girl   ‘ and he probably gets sick of talking about ‘Jessie’s Girl.’ The thing is   I didn’t write ‘Blurred Lines.’ I didn’t direct the music video. I’m really happy for the success          but it is kind of a funny thing to follow me around.|Emily Ratajkowski

I don’t think I’m that funny.|Nikola Jokic

I’m the kind of person          if I see something    like a funny video   I want to share it. With Twitter and Tumblr you can do that on a mass scale        and people get to know your personality.|Aziz Ansari

It’s funny – when I started acting    I didn’t know I was going to be talking about Asian-American issues so much. You know what    though? It just comes with the territory   being ethnic.|Justin Chon

Eddie Drake is sort of this loose cannon  funny edgy guy       who has this really foolish foolish mustache.|Lee Tergesen

Tell me I’m beautiful           it’s nothing. Tell me I’m intellectual – I know it. Tell me I’m funny    and it’s the greatest compliment in the world anyone could give me.|Julie Newmar

Very often     I don’t make it through moments of recording because it is genuinely funny and absolutely ridiculous that a 60-year-old grown man is making these noises.|David Ogden Stiers

I think it’s a comedian’s job to make everything funny. Nothing is off-limits.|Donald Glover

Everything I experience in life       I put through the sausage-maker that is comedy and then try to make it funny for others. Whether that is healthy or not remains to be seen.|Russell Howard

I love things made out of animals. It’s just so funny to think of someone saying       ‘I need a letter opener. I guess I’ll have to kill a deer.|David Sedaris

The funny thing about cinema is    usually when they do a story that has African Americans in it there always has to be a white guy who’s the savior.|Jim Brown

The funny thing is    Dennis Miller got me back into comedy.|Tommy Chong

Life has a funny way of becoming ordinary as soon as it can.|Colm Toibin

Everyone who has ever met me for at least five minutes knows I’m a really funny person. I love to laugh and to make people laugh   so writing comedy comes naturally to me.|Simone Elkeles

The funny thing is    people’s perceptions of what a song is about is usually wrong a majority of the time. But they’re still going to read what they want to into it.|Vince Gill

There isn’t a lot I can do on this planet     but I can be funny.|Leslie Jordan

It’s a funny thing when you think you’re dead. You’re not terrified of it anymore. There’s a sort of a epiphany to religious thing; it’s not sort of church-based           but you end up with a serenity which you didn’t have before         and I just simply enjoy it. It really does sound stupid   but I’ve got to tell you it’s made my life.|David Lange

You can’t make everybody laugh. You gotta just do what you think is funny. Just be obstreperous to everybody.|Colin Quinn

The funny thing about nationalism is that there are two sides to it. Some parts of it are beautiful  but there’s an ugly side as well.|Gregory Porter

The first thing that I learned – and I understood it at a really young age – was that I could get a laugh. Really early. Because my mother and father are funny.|George Clooney

There’s a darkness under ‘The Hangover’ because ultimately there’s a missing person and it’s not really that funny. There’s a sort of darkness under it that I love           and still people are laughing as hard if not harder than they did in ‘Old School.’|Todd Phillips

Eddie Murphy said once in an interview that nothing is offensive if it’s funny. I sort of agree with that            but if something’s funny and you’re the subject of it      sometimes it’s more offensive. If someone’s insulting you      you want them to sound like an idiot.|Artie Lange

I’m going to do the old ‘plaster removal’ technique and just get the pain over with in one go: ‘Life’s Too Short’ isn’t funny to me.|Ian Watson

It’s funny that all these goths paint their faces with such white make-up and that is the actual colour of my skin          I am that pale!|Kelly Osbourne

It’s funny       I used to say on ‘That 70’s Show’   you could really put us in any decade      and it was about the people and the characters and that we cared about each other.|Laura Prepon

Most of my show is true; like         90% of everything I say on stage is true. I just have to find the way to make it funny – that’s the difficult thing.|Trevor Noah

The letters I really love are from young actresses who were worried they had to fit a certain look. They say I’ve opened it up. And I don’t just mean plus-size girls. You can push things now. With all the great performances in ‘Bridesmaids’       it changed how people see funny women.|Melissa McCarthy

What is funny is when you do a futuristic movie you immediately get to be fashionable because you’re creating something that doesn’t exist.|Olivier Theyskens

I usually stalk fans because I think they’re really funny on Twitter. They don’t know it       but I’ll just go through their timelines   and if something is happening in the media        I always read fan accounts instead of the news because they have all the info and make the funniest jokes about it  so that’s how I get my gossip – by stalking fans.|Gigi Hadid

To me the funniest American of the Twentieth Century is Richard Nixon because he had the most to hide    and he was so bad at hiding it. To me      that’s what’s really funny – people who think they’re doing a great job of hiding stuff     and it just keeps leaking out.|Harry Shearer

Racing is a funny industry. One week you can be going terrible and the next week you’re on top of the world. So you just keep showing up: I keep working harder to get more opportunities        but what do you do – that’s life.|Michelle Payne

People like my voice           which is funny because all my life my family has joked about my nasal voice.|Sanam Saeed

I do like dating cynics – they tend to be incredibly funny.|Chris Pine

It’s a funny thing… I started touring at nine or ten years old      and for the first ten  fifteen           almost twenty years of your career            you’re the youngest guy on stage and the youngest guy in the room.|Derek Trucks

My big brother Ryan was funny and unfailingly kind. He was one of the most talented musicians you might encounte         and had a prodigious ability to pick up any instrument and play it by ear within the span of a single day.|Rachel Hollis

A lot of people don’t think of my work as being all that funny but I think it’s hilarious!|Fred Tomaselli

I find what I do for a living really funny. I mean acting is kind of a hilarious thing for a grown man to call a job.|Christian Bale

My first gigs were at university: I’d dress up as Jesus    jump off a cross and dance to a Mick Jagger song. I don’t know if it was funny or not  but it was a start.|Noel Fielding

I think the Cold War works as a great analogy or simile for different kinds of conflict. It’s funny  when you look back at it     it’s one of the last times that the boundaries were clear. Now   as we see on ‘Homeland            ‘ there are no clear boundaries and enemies.|Matthew Rhys

When people are committed to things       and the world view they have is no longer in alignment with our world view          then it becomes funny.|Jeff Baena

The funny thing is musicians often love to go to see visual art because you’ve got all these pictures to turn into metaphors.|Dar Williams

What’s funny is that all the artists I’ve collaborated with           I get this feeling that they want me to win. They’re always asking my opinion   always giving me advice.|Stefflon Don

David Lynch and I almost made a movie together in the late ’80s. We had lots of dinners and lunches. He’s a very cool        hip guy. This film    let’s face it    is like an homage to him    I would imagine he’d find it funny.|Martin Short

‘Ted Lasso’ is many things  and I think at its worst        it’s a show that is nice and shows that people can be kind and also funny.|Phil Dunster

There are so many funny women in the world     and there has been for so many years       so I’ll be happy when people can just move on from that   and things can just be ‘comedies’ and not ‘female’ or ‘male   ‘ and everyone gets an equal opportunity.|Kristen Wiig

It’s funny – when I first started as an actor            obviously there were long periods of being idle and all you want to do is work. So if I ever get the compulsion to feel like I should complain or feel like I want to take a break I just remember how I was before and be very grateful for it.|Neil Jackson

I know there’s a CSI game. I’ve never seen it       though           so I’m not really sure. I hope it’s interesting. I hope that they’ve done a good job making it         but because I’ve never seen it        the jury is still out on whether it’s interesting or not. But it is funny to imagine that it’s been turned into a game.|Thomas Gibson

Well    I had said to my friends      it’s going to be good            but I bet it’s going to be cheesy in a way. And I didn’t think that at all. It’s so good and was just so funny.|Brittany Snow

It’s funny       I never think I’m doing that well. I’ve never        ever. I just constantly think           ‘This isn’t working out.’|Dominic Cooper

There are some extremely acceptable male comedians out there: Joel Osteen           Abraham Lincoln            the man who played Phil Spector in HBO’s ‘Phil Spector.’ But even those guys       while insightful and amusing        aren’t exactly funny.|Ellie Kemper

I’m not a quick wit. I’m only funny on paper. I mean      I’m not totally humorless! It’s just that in person I’m not quite the way I am on paper.|Mary Roach