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• A good Dianetic auditor can take a broken-down, sorrow-drenched lady of thirty-eight and knock out her past periods of physical and mental pain and have on his hands somebody who appears to be twenty-five-and a bright, cheerful twenty-five at that. – L. Ron Hubbard


• A good person is one who follows the Ten Commandments and the golden rule. There is plenty of precedent in history to guide us and we probably evolved to be sensitive to Bible-Golden Rule situations. But the dilemmas faced by a worker – a journalist, an architect, an auditor – or by a citizen (what position to take on stem cell research, whether to run for office, what is the proper balance between taxation and social nets) – are not questions that can be answered by traditional texts or precedents. – Howard Gardner
• A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds; his auditors are as men entranced by the melody of an unseen musician, who feel that they are moved and softened, yet know not whence or why. – Percy Bysshe Shelley
• According to government auditors, the stimulus money is being held up because there aren’t enough government workers to oversee the spending. So follow me, in other words, government workers who aren’t there are needed to spend money we don’t have to create jobs that don’t exist. – Jay Leno
• Governments lie; bankers lie; even auditors sometimes lie: gold tells the truth. – William Rees-Mogg
• I admit that I myself am far from having a complete command of every topic I touch on, but my knowledge of my subject is always greater than the interest or the understanding of my auditors. You see, there is one very good thing about mankind; the mediocre masses make very few demands of the mediocrities of a higher order, submitting stupidly and cheerfully to their guidance – Alfred de Vigny
• I think my mother was like a small company which, because things are not ship-shape, keeps two sets of books, one for the auditors and then there’s the other one. – Michael Lindsay-Hogg
• I was talking about no nukes, the farm crisis. People said that wasn’t stuff that a state auditor was supposed to be talking about. Maybe they were right. – Paul Wellstone
• Look, in particular, at the people who, like you, are making average incomes for doing average jobs- bank vice presidents, insurance salesmen, auditors, secretaries of defense- and you’ll realie they all dress the same way, essentially the way the mannequins in the Sears menswear department dress. Now look at the real successes, the people who make a lot more money than you- Elton John, Captain Kangaroo, anybody from Saudi Arabia, Big Bird, and so on. They all dress funny- and they all succeed. – Dave Barry
• Mandatory auditor rotation is designed to address a potential conflict of interest between a public company and its auditor. Because an auditor is hired and paid by the public company it audits, the auditor’s desire to maintain a good relationship with its client could conflict with its duty to rigorously question the client’s financial statements. – Robert Pozen
• Men of great conversational powers almost universally practise a sort of lively sophistry and exaggeration which deceives for the moment both themselves and their auditors. – Thomas B. Macaulay
• Most of us are visual learners. Some of us are auditor learners – we learn by hearing. Many of us are kinesthetic learners. We learn by doing, touching, feeling. I have found … that we need an educational model that is current, that meets the need of our students. America must understand that she needs Muslims. – Andre Carson
• Obviously the more transparency we have as auditors, the more we can get, but the main goal is to understand important characteristics about a black box algorithm without necessarily having to understand every single granular detail of the algorithm. – Cathy O’Neil
• Of all the ills of man which can be successfully processed by Scientology, arthritis ranks near the top. In skilled hands, this ailment, though misunderstood and dreaded in the past, already has begun to become history. Twenty-five hours of Scientology by an auditor who fairly understands how to process arthritis can be said to produce an invariable alleviation of the condition. Some cases, even severe ones, have responded in as little as two hours of processing, according to reports from auditors in the field. – L. Ron Hubbard
• People attack Scientology, I never forget it, always even the score. People attack auditors, or staff, or organisations, or me. I never forget until the slate is clear. – L. Ron Hubbard
• Plato says that the punishment which the wise suffer who refuse to take part in the government, is, to live under the government of worse men; and the like regret is suggested to all the auditors, as the penalty of abstaining to speak,–that they shall hear worse orators than themselves. – Ralph Waldo Emerson
• Suppose that throughout your childhood you were good with numbers. Other kids used to copy your homework. You figured store discounts faster than your parents. People came to you for help with such things. So you took accounting and eventually became a tax auditor for the IRS. What an embarrassing job, right? You feel you should be writing poetry or doing aviation mechanics or whatever. But then you realize that tax collecting can be a calling too. – James Hillman
• The Auditor-General has been complaining year in and year out that the municipalities have not paid auditing fees. It is not because they are reluctant but they don’t have the money to pay the Auditor. So, you can’t say that you are throwing money at somebody who doesn’t have money. Lots of the things that the municipalities can’t do are because resources are not there. – Thabo Mbeki
• The Auditors fluttered anxiously. And, as always happens in their species when something goes radically wrong and needs fixing instantly, they settled down to try to work how who was to blame. – Terry Pratchett
• Theta clearing is about as practical and simple as repairing a shoe lace. It is nothing to do with hypnotism, voodooism, charalatanism, monkeyism or theosophy. Done, the thetan can do anything a stage magician can do in the way of moving objects around. But this isn’t attained by holding one’s breath or thinking right thoughts or voting Republican or any other superstitous or mystic practice. So for the reason I brought up, rule out, auditor, any mumbo jumbo or mysticism, spiritualism, or religion. – L. Ron Hubbard
• Two-thirds of the Earth’s surface is covered with water. The other third is covered with auditors from headquarters. – Norman Ralph Augustine
• When orators and auditors have the same prejudices, those prejudices run a great risk of being made to stand for incontestable truths. – Philibert Joseph Roux
• Wherefore in all great works are Clerks so much desired? Wherefore are Auditors so well-fed? What causeth Geometricians so highly to be enhaunsed? Why are Astronomers so greatly advanced? Because that by number such things they find, which else would farre excell mans minde. – Robert Recorde
• Writers write to influence their readers, their preachers, their auditors, but always, at bottom, to be more themselves. – Aldous Huxley
• You can get a much better fee – I tell you as auditors quite frankly – it’s much easier to get a great deal of money out of somebody who’s on a down spiral into becoming MEST than it is to get money out of somebody who is going on an up spiral toward becoming theta. – L. Ron Hubbard
• You’re here so you’re a Scientologist. Now we’re going to make you into an expert auditor no matter what happens. We’d rather have you dead than incapable. – L. Ron Hubbard

 

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